in limbo

I was talking to one of my best friends about the strangeness of the period of time between the end of Sixth Form and the beginning of uni, and that conversation made me realise how displaced I feel at the moment. Partly it’s due to waiting sooo long for summer, and now it’s here it feels kind of underwhelming – although I’ll explain that later. I feel as though I’m just waiting now for the next stage; Results Day and uni.

Towards the end of A Levels, the thought of 4 months off education seemed like such a fab reward for all of the stress and effort over the last few years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying summer and trying to make the most of it, but it just feels so temporary, and regardless of what I’m doing or who I’m with, there’s always the slight worry about the future. I can’t stop thinking about how transient this period is and how quickly it’ll be over, which often then initiates an existential crisis as I’m not focusing on the things I want to do – instead, I’m thinking about the future.

As well, I genuinely don’t know what grades I’ll have got in my exams. Sometimes after an exam, you know for certain that it went really well – none of mine did. They were all good but I don’t feel like any of them were outstanding. In my head, at the end of September I’ll be starting at the University of York, but even that is possibly not going to happen. It feels like I’m just waiting for something, but I’m not even sure what that something is because, until Results Day, I have no firm idea of where I’m going to be spending the next 3 years of my life.

As I mentioned before, summer has been underwhelming in some aspects so far. After the initial novelty, I realised I needed a job quite desperately to be able to afford any of the things I have planned with my friends. But even when I’m with my friends, it’s like there’s an egg-timer constantly running in the background. I’m also in a transitional stage avec boys and relationships and all that fun stuff. I really like someone but I’m not sure what his intentions are – I don’t know whether he wants a full-on relationship or just a bit of fun over summer, y’know (that sounds so gross and crude and cringey, but hopefully you get my point!)

I think I’ve outgrown my house and definitely I’ve outgrown my town. I’ve lived here for 18 years now and I’m ready for a change, but equally that change is going to signify the beginning of The Rest Of My Life and that’s a scary (but somewhat welcome and relieving) thought.

I don’t really know what I’m getting at by writing this post. I feel really lost. I don’t even really enjoy writing at the moment, hence the lack of blog posts. I just feel like I’m kind of -existing- and that’s it. I’m just waiting for the next chapter to start. I am having fun, but also it feels artificial in a way, kind of forced – it’s just a way of killing time before uni. Writing that last sentence is such a depressing thought but that’s honestly how it feels – I’m just in limbo, waiting for Results Day, really.

An assortment of songs (and I’m back!!!)

Wow…it really has been a while. Life has been manic, quite frankly, and in the crazy buzz of finishing school and preparing for A Levels, I’ve completely and utterly abandoned my blog.

I’m not going to lie, I have missed writing – I know I’m not the most consistent of bloggers but I find it so cathartic when I do get the chance to write something. I knew though, if I tried to fit blogging into my revision schedule, I’d have a full-on meltdown.

But anyway! I’m back! And I’m better than ever! I’m going to write a sort of life update post soon to elaborate on the happenings of the past few months (and I still haven’t written my Madrid travel guide either…), but overall I think my exams were ok – I’m proud of the fact that I didn’t cry at all during exam season (or at least, not because of exams) and I didn’t come out of any exams thinking ‘god, what a disaster’, so *hopefully* I’ll get the grades I need for uni.

Although I didn’t cry, I’ll happily admit I’ve had a bit of an identity crisis throughout the last few months, which finally culminated in me deleting all of my Spotify playlists the day before my first exam – a weird coping mechanism but hey, whatever works for you, right?! Despite really wanting to devote a few hours to completely remaking them, I knew I didn’t have the time and so during the past week I’ve got them all sorted out – and I’M SO HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS.

I’m in two minds writing this post – part of me thinks explaining the context and backgrounds of all of my new playlists is a teensy, tiny, liiiitle bit extra and unnecessary but equally, music is such a big part of my life (cringe) that I want people to understand why certain songs/genres make me feel a certain way, yknow? No, I don’t either, to be honest. I just like writing, and I like music, and I like writing about music… and here we are. I think essentially, I’m just going to be introducing you to each playlist and then it’s up to you whether you follow or not (although I’m going to start using Spotify as a social media now, I’ve decided – a summer goal/project, if you will – so I’ll be following back anybody who follows me 😉)

So, let’s get started. First things first – my username. I’m currently working under the *slightly* embarrassing username of carastar123 – please don’t laugh, I thought it was so cool when I was 12 or 13.

DANCEY

This is my least-finished playlist, purely because the songs that would fit best into it aren’t songs I listen to the most. But sometimes it just feels fab to dance around in your room (a common occurrence during exam season – another coping mechanism haha) so I wanted to have a playlist that I can just whack on and let off some steam.

CARA THINKS SHE’S COOL

I named this playlist in honour of my 15 year old self, who listened solely to obscure, unknown or ‘edgy’ artists in the (vain) hope of seeming cool haha – needless to say, it didn’t work out and I wasted a lot of time trying to enjoy music that just wasn’t to my taste. This playlist, however, is quite the opposite – very cool, and very very very much to my taste. Generally it features more popular/well-known ‘indie’ bands, such as catfish and the bottlemen, the hunna, viola beach, the wombats etc, but there are also a few lesser-known bands/artists. I’m very much in love with this playlist, and I’m sure past Cara would think present Cara was so cool for listening to this type of music.

PURE BEAUTY

A piano playlist. So far I haven’t added many pieces to this playlist, but piano music gives me such a sense of calm and tranquility so I wanted a playlist that I can put on at any moment and just feel much more peaceful instantly.

A CERTAIN VIBE, BUT IDK WHAT THE VIBE IS

This is undoubtedly my favourite playlist (and I’ve had a few compliments on it too from other people, woo!). As you can probably guess from the title, I was unsure about the vibe of this one, but it’s the sort of playlist you’d put on in the middle of the afternoon when it’s raining outside to feel cosy. There’s a very mixed selection of artists on here – Dijon, The Wombats, Stornaway, Oh Wonder – it’s kind of folky in some ways, with a little bit of lo-fi music too.

FOR SOMEONE?

I’m not sure how much explaining is necessary here – seems quite self-explanatory, really 😂 maybe I made this playlist with someone in mind, maybe I didn’t… either way, For Someone? is a compilation of lurv songs that make me feel cute and mushy inside. Cringe.

JOURNEYS/W FRIENDS

The idea behind this playlist is essentially so that this summer, when me and my friends are going on mini road trips, we have a selection of songs that will sound fab with all of us singing along, the windows open, the sun shining. That kinda vibe. On this playlist there are just loads of classic singalong tunes as well as a few more indie ones as well, such as by Only the Poets (who me and my friends went to see and fell in love with). Basically, this playlist is for blasting out when you’re with your friends.

:))

A compilation of songs that never fail to put a smile on my face. There are a few Kooks songs, The Night Cafe, Surface…just general dancey, happy tunes 🙂 I’m not doing a very good job describing this one, but really it’s just a playlist that will always make you happier.

IN THE BACKGROUND

Again, the title is quite self-explanatory – my thinking behind this playlist is sometimes, when you have all your friends round for a chill night in, eating pizza and just chatting, it’s nice to have some background music and so this is exactly what this playlist is for. Mainly the songs on it are quite chilled and low-key although there are a few bops as well…just good to create a bit of an atmosphere!

PARTY

Self-explanatory again – in fact, I’m not even going to say anything more about this, except that it’s a banging playlist. Enjoy.

LO-FI

This used to be my revision playlist, so if you’re looking for a soundtrack to study with, this is the playlist for you! This is a very very chilled, cool playlist to listen to, either as you work or just to have on in the background. I don’t really know much about the lo-fi genre but I love listening to this playlist; like the Pure Beauty playlist, I just feel so calm after hearing it.

And that’s it! I have a few more playlists but they’re private, mainly just messy accumulations of songs. If you want to follow me or a few of my playlists, feel free – my username is carastar123, or you can click here which will take you straight to my page.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for bearing with me through my absence! Hopefully now I have more free time I’ll get back to writing regularly – I truly have missed it haha.

eighteen

It was my birthday on Tuesday and since it was the big 18, I wanted to write a post acknowledging it and honouring my new status of ‘wise old person’. I’ve been in Madrid this week with my family and I also had a little celebration with my pals the week before, so this birthday has definitely been one to remember. I think that’s good though – honestly, in previous years, I’ve not made much of a big deal out of birthdays because I just didn’t have the friends to celebrate it, whereas now I have such a solid group of people around me. Also, I’m starting adulthood as I mean to go – partying and travelling 😉

This will sound morbid although it’s not intended in that way, but I never really expected to reach 18. I think when you’re younger, being 18 is equivalent to being an adult and somehow it never clicked that one day I would be an adult. I always felt like I’d be a child forever, and even though I can do pretty much anything I want now (sorry mum and dad 😉), I also still feel about 3 years old.

I’m going to stop rambling now and start compiling a list. I want my future self to look back on this post and think ‘wow, I was smart and down-to-earth and not embarrassing’, which is quite unlike how I see my past self. I know full well online (and often in real life) in the past I’ve put on this persona who is so dissimilar to me, and looking back now, I really regret doing that. I hope I’ll look back and think ‘wow, she had her shizzle together’, and therefore this post will serve as a reminder to get my future shizzle together. I hope I’ll look back and remember how much I grew as a person in my later-teen years and how much I experienced, and realise how much more I’ve grown in the next few years.

Me indulging in the last few hours of my childhood in Retiro Park, Madrid

Be yourself

Something I’m still working on, but something that in the last few years (in 6th form especially) has been so important to me. As I said before, I know I used to put on this cool, cocky persona to try and fit in, but I must have looked so embarrassing and ridiculous because cool and cocky are the complete opposites to what I actually am. I’ll be the girl in the library or the bookshop, reading or writing or listening to music, or the girl at the back of the classroom thinking about where to travel to next. Instead of forcing myself to be loud and assertive, I’ve started encouraging myself to be more confident, and that’s the way to improve. My problem before was that I didn’t have enough confidence to show the real me to my friends/classmates, whereas now (with a little bit of encouragement) I’m much happier being myself, and I know I fit in because I’m being myself.

Be comfortable with yourself

I’ve already mentioned it really, but you have to accept yourself before others can accept you. Had I kept projecting this cocky persona, my life would have been so different – I wouldn’t have the friends I have now and I still wouldn’t like myself, because I’d know it wasn’t really me.

If you’re not happy with something, change it

I’ve realised now that life is incredibly short and so you might as well fill it with happiness. I’m constantly trying to improve myself and make myself the best I can be and whilst I think I’m still quite a way off my ‘best’, it’s satisfying knowing that I’m heading in the right direction. And the same goes for school/friends/relationships – if you’re not happy doing a subject, change it, if you know your friends aren’t really your friends, change it – it’s hard, but you might as well be happy. Short term pain, long term gain.

You might as well do what you want to because life’s so short

A few of my points so far have been quite similar, but when my friend died aged 16 it really hit me how precious and temporary life is. Since then, I’ve realised you have to do things you want to do because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Do what you love because you love doing it, instead of doing something because of other people’s views/what they want you to do/what’s cool

Again – be yourself. Do your thang in life for yourself and for your own satisfaction, instead of being told what to do. Make your own way, do what you want and I think that’s how you become happiest.

Fringes and frizzy hair don’t mix well

Not as profound, but still very significant. I never seemed to learned that my hair type doesn’t suit fringes and never will, because over the years I’ve had several cut in, each time thinking ‘oh it’ll be fine’. Spoiler: it won’t be fine and you’ll look stupid.

Educate yourself on important matters instead of believing everything you’re told

Something I still need to do more of. When I first wrote that, I meant what school/teachers and parents tell you (saying that, 99% of the time my beliefs are the same as parents – not because they’re my parents though) but then it occurred to me that this also applies to the news. Watching the news does not give you the full story most of the time and even when it does, a lot of the time it’s biased which is why I think it’s so important to research important events/happenings yourself and form your own opinion.

Don’t immediately assume you can’t do something just because you’re not good at it the first time around

Exams aren’t (and shouldn’t take over) your life

As you probably all know – because it’s all I talk about on twitter and on here – I have my A Level exams soon (my first one is a month today…:/). I handled my GCSE exams badly. I completely put my social life on hold, I very rarely took breaks because I felt so guilty when I wasn’t revising, my whole life was consumed by revision. I still remember the first night of summer when I just watched TV and it felt so amazing to relax, and to relax knowing that I didn’t have to worry about exams and grades for the next 4 months. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a perfectionist (very much so!) and I’m trying really hard to get grades I’m proud of but I know now that you need a balance. Even though these exams effectively determine the rest of my life, I’m not too worried about them; naturally I’m nervous but not to the extent of GCSEs (which seems counterintuitive since A Levels are undoubtedly more important). I know that I’ve tried so hard and hopefully my grades will reflect this, but working 14 hour days isn’t healthy or beneficial, and I don’t want to look back on my A Levels (like I did for GCSE) and think I spent way too much revising, and too little time having a life. I’m also just trying to make the best of exam season – yes, it’s a pain, knowing that I should be revising probably more than I am and naturally it’s a stressful time (not just with exams, with uni/social life/trying to book things for summer/getting ready to leave high school behind) but it’s so temporary. In 2 months I’ll have finished and I’ll be free, so I’m just giving exams my best shot but trying not to damage myself in the process.

The right people will end up in your life – don’t try to hold onto people who don’t want to be there

I’ve not talked about this at all on my blog and I’ve only mentioned it indirectly a few times on twitter but *drum roll please* I’ve had a secret boyfriend for the past 3 and a half years. Or (more accurately now) I’ve had a secret ex-boyfriend. Because we had been together so long, I really struggled when he said he no longer wanted us to be together and looking back on my messages to him in the days (and weeks, tbh) after he broke up with me I was so disappointed, to the point of looking desperate frankly. Partially it was just adapting to being on my own, but more painful was having to face the fact that it’s the end of a big chapter of my life – we’ve both liked each other since we met in year 7 (I’m not joking), started going out in year 9 then broke up around Christmas in 2018, which is a long time of being friends and being together. To not really have either of those things now feels odd and unnatural to be honest. I’ve started to come to terms now with it – I’m fine with being single, I just don’t want to lose him as a friend too, which unfortunately I think is happening but drifting is probably inevitable haha – and again, I’ve realised that wasting my energy wanting people who don’t want me back isn’t the best use of my time. Onwards and upwards! I’m looking forward to meeting some fit English Lit guys at uni 😉

If you fancy someone, tell them

Kind of related, but just go for it. You might lose a tiny little bit of dignity or pride if they say no but hey…is that really such a big deal? In a few years we’ll all be old and we’ll have forgotten all this – you might as well try.

Read as much and as widely as possible

Set as much time as you can aside for friends, family and self growth

I’ve tried to set a rhythm or formula to my life at the moment because with exams coming up every minute is important. 60% of my energy is concentrated on school, and the remaining 40% is focused on friends, family and self-growth (whether that’s a hobby, a new habit you’re trying to implement or doing something to better yourself). Obviously that’s not a hard-and-fast rule and it differs day to day, but I find it helps put into perspective what I’m doing and if I’m spending enough time/too little time on one certain area.

How short life is

It’s so bloody short!!! Do I need to say any more? I’m writing this post at the ripe old age of 18, but I was still in year 5 yesterday, I swear. I can’t comprehend it. Time flies, honestly.

The right decisions are sometimes the hardest to make

And additionally, the right decision doesn’t always feel like the right decision. I know full well that pulling out of my Cambridge interview was the right decision to make, but that didn’t make it any easier. However happy I am at uni, I think I’ll always wonder what my life could have been like, if I had gone to the interview and got a place (which of course is a massive if!!). I think if you can feel in your gut that something isn’t right though, you should trust it, because life has a weird way of working out.

Dreams can easily be goals, and are also not static

Linking on to the topic of Cambridge, last year made me reflect a lot on what I thought was my dream. I realised dreams can change, and can also become goals that are accessible. Since I was about 10 going to Cambridge University was my dream but actually, it was just that – a beautiful dream. A much more realistic dream is going to the University of York and it’s also completely my goal – just 7 exams and AAB in my exams between us 😉

Don’t be embarrassed to tell people about what you love doing

I’m such a big hypocrite for saying that because I love blogging, but I’ve told literally nobody that I do it. I think some people from school have found out but they’ve never mentioned it to me, which I’m perfectly ok with. When I first started, I didn’t tell anyone because we were at the age where doing anything creative or unusual was immediately uncool, which to me at the time was exactly what I didn’t want. Now I just like having a platform that’s completely separate to my school and home life. I’m sure people will find my blog and other social accounts and probably at uni I will be more open about sharing them, but I know that if it came to it now, I wouldn’t be embarrassed to say I blog. I’ve had some amazing things to come from blogging – new friends, nominations for awards and travel inspiration to name just a few! – and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Tie your happiness to places and things instead of people

Because people are unpredictable and can be rubbish, sometimes. However, places can’t let you down, and neither can pizza and chocolate…

I still have a week of my Easter holidays left so I’m going to try and get a few posts prepared for the next few weeks, including my Madrid travel guide. The next 2 months are going to be hectic and I’m going to be stepping up the revision a lot but that’s okay – it’s temporary and it’ll pass so quickly, I know that.

I hope everyone’s ok, and happy Easter!

The book club

peep the exam timetable…bleurrghh

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a couple of weeks now, but school is so busy and the very little free time I have at the mo is spent trying to relax, not focusing on blogging/social media. Yesterday though I decided enough was enough – I can only abandon my blog for so long without beginning to feel guilty about the lack of content haha, so here we are.

I’m going to be discussing a few of the books I’ve read recently so I think I’ll start off with my least favourite – although when I say least favourite, I don’t mean that I disliked it. Call Me By Your Name has such a hype around it, but honestly…I was disappointed?? I know I’ve said this before, but I think because everybody seemed to fall head over heels for it (and Timothee Chalamet) I also expected to fall completely in love with it. Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy it and I’m going to watch the film soon, plus it’s inspired me to go and live in Italy for a summer in the hope of meeting someone like Oliver but…out of everything I’ve read recently, it would probably be at the bottom of my to-read-again pile.

Moving from left to right, I read A Woman of No Importance by Oscar Wilde because I went to see a screening of it at the cinema with my friends (although long story short I never actually got the see it because the file corrupted). I loved the sense of glamour and mystery throughout (typical Wilde, am I right) and I’m really excited to read some more of his plays – I bought the collection of his plays in Oxfam for £2, winner!! And speaking of Oscar Wilde, I’ve also been reading more of his short stories although I’m sort of struggling with them. They’re like nursery rhymes in book form, so there’s no real plot to a lot of them which makes them quite relaxing to read, but also (dare I say it?!) kind of boring in parts. Uh huh. Yep. I just called classic literature boring. I’m ashamed of myself too, dw. I’m going to start Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime soon though, which I’m hoping will have more of a plotline to it, so I’ll let you know how I get on with that.

For my English Lit A Level I Study A Streetcar Named Desire so, since exams are looming upon us, I thought I should probably reread it. I know I’ve spoken about if before on my blog so I’m not going to go into masses of detail, but even though I’ve read it 3 or 4 times now, I still truly love it and on each reread I find something new/interesting to consider.

On the American Lit theme, I recently read Breakfast at Tiffany’s which I honestly read in about 2 hours: it just gripped me (and I’ll take any excuse not to revise). It reminded me a lot of The Great Gatsby with its materialistic society and flawed/false identities and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it – although I really want to know the cat’s name haha.

And finally… White Teeth. Eleanor and Lucy both suggested I read it and I saw that it’s on one of the modules I’ll be taking at uni so I thought I’d give it a go. I loved it!! I found the concept of trying to uphold your roots really interesting, maybe because it’s something that I’m unfamiliar with (SPOILERS AHEAD: what I mean here is, I was born in England to an English family and apart from holidays abroad and travelling, I’ve only really been exposed to one culture, whereas White Teeth follows the journey of migrants settling into England whilst trying to uphold the beliefs/ideals of their old country which starkly contrast to English ideals.) I think I read White Teeth at the perfect time really; what with the “migrant crisis” (crisis yikes I hate that phrase so much) and increasing numbers of wars and conflicts and terrorist attacks, it felt very poignant and applicable throughout.

In terms of what I’m reading now, I currently have 2 books on the go – One Day by David Nicholls and Cherry Crush by Cathy Cassidy. Yep, you read that right, a (hopefully) soon-to-be English Lit uni student is reading a 9 year old’s book. I’m having another declutter and Cherry Crush is on the ‘donate to charity’ pile, but when I was younger it was my favourite book so I didn’t want to get rid of it without reading it again.

I’m also supposedly on a book ban, however in the last month or so I may or may not have bought 6 books. I have mixed feelings because I know that I will read them and I’ll enjoy reading them, but at the moment I just don’t have time and it’s frustrating to see so many unread books on my shelves. Plus, I’m meant to be saving money for uni and summer but… oh well! I’m obsessed.

What are you currently reading? And what are you planning to read next? I hope everybody’s well, and have a lovely week xx

“i’m fine”

There’s a saying that bad things come in threes and if that’s the case, I’ve been hit twice over recently. I’m full to bursting point with emotions, so much so that I’ve not quite come to terms yet with how I actually feel. All I know is that I’ve been experiencing a sort of emptiness lately.

I’m not going to go into what’s been going in a lot of detail because a) is anyone that bothered really? Everyone has their own issues and me offloading mine onto you probably isn’t going to help much, and b) some of it is personal to me and my family. Several (quite frankly) shiz things have happened, all in close proximity to one another and I’ve been struggling a lot, especially in the last few days, with accepting change and moving on.

I’m going to call the title of this post “I’m fine” because that’s the main reason I’m writing this. As soon as anyone asks me how I am, I’ll automatically answer I’m fine, even when I’m so far from it and I think this is applicable to a lot of people. I’d so much rather cry on my own, tucked up in bed with all the lights off, than admit to someone that I’m not alright (precisely what I’ve been doing lately). We all seem to bottle up our issues which perpetuates them, making them much worse.

Admitting you’re not happy at the moment is the first step to things improving. When I say that, I don’t necessarily mean even admitting it to others; just acknowledging how you’re feeling is progress. I always project this persona of being completely happy with myself, my life and everything and everyone around me, both online and offline, and subconsciously I begin to believe this is the truth. Keeping in tune with your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them is so, so vital. You won’t always be happy and that’s absolutely OK. Take the evening off and relax, do something you enjoy.

Furthermore, invalidating how you’re feeling is as equally damaging as ignoring your feelings. Questioning why you’re so bothered about something is a sign of your passion, and we need to stop misinterpreting that as a sign of weakness.

Follow my Twitter for some truly inspirational content 😉

We have to learn to accept bad days, bad weeks even, but as humans we have a tendency to let a bad day or week dwell on our mind. Don’t let negative emotions characterise and define a period of your life. Life is really, really hard sometimes but your mindset is so important. There are always positives to be taken out of a negative time. I promise. Sometimes, you just have to look a little harder than normal.

Talk to people. Vent your frustrations at your friends or, if you’re not comfortable with that, write it down. Journal. Open an anonymous twitter account and let everything out. I can’t stress enough how cathartic I find writing – there’s something about seeing your thoughts written down on paper that completely calms the mind. Life feels a lot more manageable that way, when you’re not lugging around conflicting thoughts and emotions.

Have a look on Spotify too, and flick through some of their ready-made playlists. Belt out some Adele or do some crazy head-banging to a rock playlist. It helps (trust me!) and when you hear someone voicing exactly how you’re feeling, you feel less alone. It’s comforting, knowing that you’re not the only person to have ever had their heart broken 😉

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak recently but yesterday it really dawned on me that I’m sad…about a boy. Then I realised, if somebody doesn’t like me for who I am then, ya know, it wasn’t going to work out anyway so it’s probably for the best (even if, right now, it feels like the end of the world). Better things (and people!) will come out of it. I can’t emphasise this enough: you are enough on your own – you shouldn’t need anybody else to be comfortable and happy with yourself. Boys/girls will come and go in your life, and whilst it is hard to accept moving on at the time, better people are on their way. And in the meantime, enjoy the single life! Be happy with your own company! Take yourself out for a meal! At the end of the day, you’re the only person who will stay with you throughout your life, so you might as well be happy 😉

I wrote most of this post yesterday. I was in quite a good headspace – things felt like they’d finally clicked into place. Whilst I’m still a lil bit sad, I’m well aware that things are going to improve, and quickly – you just have to believe that the bad phases of life are only temporary (because they are!). Have hope x

bullet journal – feb 19

Given that it’s the third day of February today, I feel like I’ve kind of missed the bandwagon of ‘new year new me’ posts, but this year (for this first time ever) I’m going to be using a bullet journal and I’m still excited about it.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a bullet journal (or bujo), it’s a form of journal that helps you to track the past, the present and the future. The main reasons I decided to start a bullet journal were so that I could have a place to plan effectively but creatively, and to improve myself and my life by tracking my habits, study time etc.

I’m using the Leuchtturm1917 in navy this year – I don’t know why, but recently I’ve fallen in love with navy (just look at that chipped nail varnish!). The book itself is a really beautiful colour, the quality feels great and so far I’m loving having a way of being productive whilst also being creative, so despite the (hefty) price tag, I definitely think it was worth the investment.

On the very first page, I have my name, my contact details and a little illustration of the moon and some stars. I still haven’t filled out the index but to be honest, I don’t think I will either – so far I haven’t needed it, so I’ll probably just leave it. On the following page I wrote ‘twenty nineteen’, using my pastel green Stabilo highlighter and black Muji gel pen. Although it’s really minimal and simplistic, I think it sets the year up nicely – it looks calm and chill, which is the vibe I’m hoping to take with me throughout this year 😉

Carrying on with the minimalistic theme, I simply wrote out all of the days and dates of the year. Again, I used my Muji pen and a Stabilo highlighter, just to add some definition to the days of the week. For my ‘future log’, I wanted something really simple that I could just glance at and know instantly what I’m doing that month, so I basically just have 4 boxes on each page, 1 for each month, and this section goes over 3 pages. I also have a page dedicated to accomplishments I made in 2018 and resolutions for this year, which I like a lot. I’ve found it to be motivating and kind of inspiring: seeing what you’ve achieved previously and what you aim to do this year puts things back into perspective and makes you refocus on your goals.

Being an English Lit student, I had to have somewhere to write down all the books I intend to read. I drew four lines across the page (although you can only see 3 in the photo) and then drew all the books and added a few little plant illustrations. As I read each book I’m planning to colour in the spine of the illustration, as I have done with The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Hopefully by the end of this year, this page will be filled with colours.

I’m always listening to music – it’s such a big part of my life, it’s how I relax, and I love how a certain song can take you back to a certain point in your life. Hence why I have a page dedicated to my favourite songs each month. I was very lucky to see The Wombats in January, whose music I’ve loved for a very long time, so I felt it was only right to honour that by putting my favourite of their songs down.

Ok…now here’s the fun bit of my bujo 😦 my exam tracker page! I’m not a huge fan of the layout of this page if I’m being honest; it looks a bit of a mess so I might try and fix it at some point. However, I felt it was vital to have a page which tracks not just external exams but also mocks, in-class assessments etc, because I do tend to forget dates unless I have them written down (and then, I forget to revise). Also, by having an overview of each month, I can reassure myself that ‘oh, it’s fine I’ve still got three months until A Levels’!

I have a page at the end of my weekly spreads which is dedicated to music again, as well as highlights of the month. I think this brings a nice sense of closure, almost, to the month – it’s a little reflection of what you’ve done, what you’ve been listening to, where you are in life. As of yet I’ve not completely finished this page (I have more than 2 highlights in an entire month, don’t worry) but I’ll be incorporating this structure into future months too.

My February spread looks like this. I wonder if you can tell where I made a mistake? I’ll give you a hint – the tape has something to do with it, I used it as a way of covering up the mistake 😂 gotta work with what you have! If you make a mistake, just try and intertwine it into your design, and pretend it was intentional 😉 the joy of bullet journaling is you can experiment with different layouts, colour schemes etc, and if you don’t like it then you can just change it the next week/month. As well as a general month overview, I also have the days and dates of March written down, a to-do list, a place to write goals and then also an area to write the key dates and events of March in (which so far is empty lol), so that I know what’s coming up soon. This month I went with a purple and silver theme, using Muji pens, Stabilo highlighters, Stabilo fineliners and some metallic brush pens.

And finally, a weekly spread. So far, this is my favourite layout for a week; each box is large enough to fit a hefty to-do list in, and I can fit all of my habits/spends/study time/screen times at the bottom too. Last month I had a separate page to record all of my habits and my budget but I found that quite often I’d forget to look for it, whereas I’m much more likely to see it when it’s on my weekly spread because I try to plan the day ahead the night before, so I can fill it in then.

I have various habits which I’m (still) trying to instil on my life and I find using a tracker is a really good way of seeing how well I’m doing and where I can improve. A lot of my habits link to my new year’s resolutions: for example, I’m trying to turn off all screens by 9.30pm and go running more. I also am trying to save up money for summer and uni and having a place where I can track what I’m spending is helping me a lot with this. It’s making me come to terms with the ridiculous amount of money I spend on food and books, so now I’m much more aware of where I need to cut down 😂

Do you have a bullet journal? If so, how are you finding it? If you’ve written any posts about your bujo, please leave the link below because I’m always looking out for new inspiration.

Cara xx

The Book Club

Since the start of term, I seem to have been busy non-stop – although I couldn’t actually tell you what I’ve been busy with to be honest, because I don’t seem to have done much of the pile of schoolwork that I need to do. Which is slightly worrying, to say the least.

In terms of what I’ve been reading lately, I was given a few books for Christmas so I’ve started them. First of all I read The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle. As I was reading it I was trying to figure out what it reminded me of, and I think I’ve decided it’s a mixture of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Groundhog Day and Cluedo. There’s just one narrator who’s trying to solve the mystery of who killed Evelyn, but he inhabits several different bodies of guests at a party and although he becomes different people, he lives out the same day, over and over again, in these different bodies. It’s really quite confusing and there were a few points where I just had to stop and think for a sec because I couldn’t quite figure out how he knew what he did. If you’ve read Seven Deaths, let me know what you thought of it – I really couldn’t shake off the Harry Potter Time-Turner vibes, and being set at a party in a huge old mansion made it feel like a big game of Cluedo.

I bought The Perks of Being a Wallflower in my post-Christmas book frenzy (I bought 16 books in 2 weeks #obsessed). Have you ever had that thing where a memory suddenly comes to you, completely out of the blue? I had that. I realised that for my 10th or 11th birthday, I’d received the film of The Perks of Being a Wallflower because I’d just discovered Harry Potter and fallen in love with Emma Watson. I remembered watching the first couple of minutes and then having my parents abruptly switch the TV off because apparently at the time I was ‘too young’ to watch it. Anyway, this all really randomly just popped into my head, so I decided to buy the book and at some point I’ll try and root out the DVD from somewhere in my family’s collection, and (finally) watch it.

I really enjoyed reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Even though some parts were dark and the themes throughout are hard-hitting, I loved the narration and it reminded me a lot of Catcher in the Rye which is one of my favourite books. I wish I’d been introduced to it earlier, but hey 😂

My friends and I booked tickets to see A Woman of No Importance, so I read the play beforehand to get to grips with the plot. I’m writing this on the night I was meant to see the play, but unfortunately it was cancelled which I’m actually really sad about. Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading the play and, as my introduction to Wilde’s plays, I’m excited to read more.

I was also bought the collective book of Oscar Wilde’s short fiction for Christmas (a fab present) which I’ve been reading before I go to sleep. A lot of the stories are fairy tales so they’re really quite relaxing to read after a long, hard day at school lol. I admire Wilde’s talent of summing up humanity and our characteristics so succinctly into one sentence, and there are many such quotes peppered through the stories I’ve read so far. I particularly liked The Portrait of Mr W.H. because 1) there were several quotes that I recognised from The Picture of Dorian Gray, 2) it taught me a lot about Shakespeare’s sonnets and 3) the plot within the plot was a v intriguing technique. 10/10 would recommend any of Wilde’s work.