“i’m fine”

There’s a saying that bad things come in threes and if that’s the case, I’ve been hit twice over recently. I’m full to bursting point with emotions, so much so that I’ve not quite come to terms yet with how I actually feel. All I know is that I’ve been experiencing a sort of emptiness lately.

I’m not going to go into what’s been going in a lot of detail because a) is anyone that bothered really? Everyone has their own issues and me offloading mine onto you probably isn’t going to help much, and b) some of it is personal to me and my family. Several (quite frankly) shiz things have happened, all in close proximity to one another and I’ve been struggling a lot, especially in the last few days, with accepting change and moving on.

I’m going to call the title of this post “I’m fine” because that’s the main reason I’m writing this. As soon as anyone asks me how I am, I’ll automatically answer I’m fine, even when I’m so far from it and I think this is applicable to a lot of people. I’d so much rather cry on my own, tucked up in bed with all the lights off, than admit to someone that I’m not alright (precisely what I’ve been doing lately). We all seem to bottle up our issues which perpetuates them, making them much worse.

Admitting you’re not happy at the moment is the first step to things improving. When I say that, I don’t necessarily mean even admitting it to others; just acknowledging how you’re feeling is progress. I always project this persona of being completely happy with myself, my life and everything and everyone around me, both online and offline, and subconsciously I begin to believe this is the truth. Keeping in tune with your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them is so, so vital. You won’t always be happy and that’s absolutely OK. Take the evening off and relax, do something you enjoy.

Furthermore, invalidating how you’re feeling is as equally damaging as ignoring your feelings. Questioning why you’re so bothered about something is a sign of your passion, and we need to stop misinterpreting that as a sign of weakness.

Follow my Twitter for some truly inspirational content 😉

We have to learn to accept bad days, bad weeks even, but as humans we have a tendency to let a bad day or week dwell on our mind. Don’t let negative emotions characterise and define a period of your life. Life is really, really hard sometimes but your mindset is so important. There are always positives to be taken out of a negative time. I promise. Sometimes, you just have to look a little harder than normal.

Talk to people. Vent your frustrations at your friends or, if you’re not comfortable with that, write it down. Journal. Open an anonymous twitter account and let everything out. I can’t stress enough how cathartic I find writing – there’s something about seeing your thoughts written down on paper that completely calms the mind. Life feels a lot more manageable that way, when you’re not lugging around conflicting thoughts and emotions.

Have a look on Spotify too, and flick through some of their ready-made playlists. Belt out some Adele or do some crazy head-banging to a rock playlist. It helps (trust me!) and when you hear someone voicing exactly how you’re feeling, you feel less alone. It’s comforting, knowing that you’re not the only person to have ever had their heart broken 😉

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak recently but yesterday it really dawned on me that I’m sad…about a boy. Then I realised, if somebody doesn’t like me for who I am then, ya know, it wasn’t going to work out anyway so it’s probably for the best (even if, right now, it feels like the end of the world). Better things (and people!) will come out of it. I can’t emphasise this enough: you are enough on your own – you shouldn’t need anybody else to be comfortable and happy with yourself. Boys/girls will come and go in your life, and whilst it is hard to accept moving on at the time, better people are on their way. And in the meantime, enjoy the single life! Be happy with your own company! Take yourself out for a meal! At the end of the day, you’re the only person who will stay with you throughout your life, so you might as well be happy 😉

I wrote most of this post yesterday. I was in quite a good headspace – things felt like they’d finally clicked into place. Whilst I’m still a lil bit sad, I’m well aware that things are going to improve, and quickly – you just have to believe that the bad phases of life are only temporary (because they are!). Have hope x

The ultimate summer bucket list

I have precisely 6 more lessons until summer, but sadly they’re spread out over 3 days…ugh, nearly there!

To get into the summery vibe well and truly (I say that as if I’m not already haha, I’ve literally done no school work this past week since my mocks have finished!), I thought I’d write all the things I’d like to do this summer – my purse may not allow everything haha, but hopefully I’ll achieve a lot.

  • Book tickets for a concert
  • Read 50 pages of a book per day (at least!)
  • Rebrand my blog (ooooh, exciting!)
  • Go book thrifting
  • Go alpaca trekking!!!
  • Write my English language coursework (fun fun fun)
  • Get started on English lit coursework as well as geography (again, fun!)
  • Explore towns and cities nearby
  • Go on trains!
  • Plan an interrailing route
  • Try at least one new food
  • Run more
  • Start drawing again, especially mandalas and portraits
  • Go shopping for clothes
  • Have a huge clear out of stuff (I’ve come to the realisation that I am actually a hoarder)
  • Try at least one new cafe
  • Visit at least one new place
  • Buy some posters for my wall
  • Get up early enough to see the sunrise
  • Learn Spanish again
  • Write blog posts every other day (let’s see how that goes!)
  • Do some baking
  • If you follow me on Instagram you’ll have seen (or will soon see) that I’m temporarily deactivating my account. I feel like Instagram has changed and I’ve not completely adapted to this new version; I’m not drawing as much as I used to, which is what I used to feature mainly on my account and so I’m struggling for photos; I’ve lost so many followers in the last couple of days because of the stupid algorithm and I’m just generally not enjoying posting. I’ll probably only be gone a couple of weeks, just so that I can get back into the zone, but I’ll be focusing much more on my blog and twitter (hint hint: if you want to keep up with me, follow me on here and on my twitter!)
  • Midlands Trek (pt. 2)

    Ok so first of all, clearly I can’t keep promises! I was ready to write this post last night after work, but my friend called me and asked me out so I went and didn’t get back home until quite late. Hey ho, it’s here now, so feast your eyes 👀

    On day 4, we were moving on towards Hereford where we were booked into another hotel for two more nights, but on the way my dad wanted to stop off at a town called Ledbury (which I had misheard and kept calling it Lebra haha). We literally had an hour to see the entire town because we could only find car parking for one hour, so we rushed around, saw some cute streets, had some lunch and got back into the car to finish off the journey to Hereford.

    When we arrived at Hereford, we quickly unpacked then went to the Cathedral to see the Weeping Window – the tour of the ceramic poppies that were displayed at the Tower of London to commemorate WW1.

    The next day, we visited Ludlow after stopping off at some of my family’s house. Ludlow is so pretty and historic; we went through the market and the castle and they were both gorgeous.

    We also had a delicious meal in Ludlow at The Church Inn, so if you’re ever near definitely try it there!

    After that, we headed back to the hotel for our last night (cry cry :(). The next day, we called in on a few places on the way back home – first of all Shrewsbury.

    I feel like I didn’t get enough time in Shrewsbury to do it justice, so I really would like to go back there, but what we did see was beautiful (I also had a slice of lemon drizzle cake which was just 👌)! Everywhere we visited on the trip was really pretty and the weather, for once, played to our advantage as it was quite sunny for most of the days! After we left Shrewsbury, we drove to north Wales to see my grandparents, and then carried on back home, so I think all in all that day we were in the car for about 5-6 hours…fun…:)

    Xxx

    Midlands Trek (pt. 1)

    During the Easter half term holiday (which went so quickly by the way, can you believe we’ve been back at school for a week already?!) I travelled down to the Midlands with my family, and we stayed in Warwick for 3 nights and Hereford for 2. I’ve never been to either place before even though I have family and friends who live down there, so it was a cool experience (and we got to see some pretty views, eat lots of good food and meet kind-of-long-lost-family too, so what’s not to love!)

    Our first stop was Kenilworth, mainly to see my mum’s auntie and uncle, but we also went to the castle there. I obviously had to get a few photos for the ‘gram – the first photo, of me with the ‘no climbing’ sign is the most rebellious thing I’ve probably ever done, and I’m not even joking there – and then after we’d been caught in a brief-but-heavy hail storm, we decided to go out for some tea. I have to give a shoutout to Zizzi here – your pinoli pizza is incredible 😍

    Day 2 dawned very gloomy which was a bit of a pain, although it didn’t stop us from doing anything – after breakfast, we drove over to Stratford upon Avon to do all the essential touristy Shakespeare attractions which, being an English lit student, I liked a lot. Heheh.

    I’m just going to share this Shakespeare conspiracy theory (kind of) that we learned when we went to the church where he’s buried, because it’s so weird that it just has to be true! I can’t remember who it was exactly, but a king or a lord at the time asked Shakespeare to transcribe some of the Bible from Latin to English, because he wanted religion to be more accessible for non-Latin speakers. So he did this, aged 46, and if you look at Psalm 46, the 46th word in is ‘shake’, and the 46th word from the end is ‘spear’! I don’t know how true it is, but I just feel like maybe that’s too much of a coincidence to be completely made up.

    After we’d visited the Shakespeare Birthplace (which is arguably way overpriced but if you’re into literature, it’s definitely worth a visit – they have actors who take your requests and launch into spontaneous scenes from his plays, which is incredible!!) we had a hot chocolate and some dinner – I had a sweet potato and feta lasagne which was beautiful. I feel like this post is going to be equally as much about food as the holiday haha…

    We had dinner in a little bit of a rush as we had tickets booked for the Swan Theatre that night, to watch a new play called The Fantastic Follies of Mrs Rich. Again, definitely recommend, but be prepared because the storyline moves so quickly! I think one of the coolest things about it was being able to recognise some of the actors – most have been in programmes like Doctors and Eastenders which I don’t watch, but I still recognised a few of them!

    Day 3 now, which consisted of driving to Leamington Spa and exploring there, and visiting the centre of Warwick. My grandad was brought up in Leamington Spa but me, my brother and my dad had never been so we decided to have a look around and, guys!!

    They had a Tiger shop!!

    Ok, so, Tiger shops are very rare in England, normally I think they’re only in bigger cities, so I was very pleasantly surprised to see one and of course, I had to go in! I restrained myself from buying anything though, which I was proud of myself for (but look at everything! I literally could have bought the entire inventory of the shop 😍)

    Literally the most pointless sign ever, but I’ll be disappointed if my future house doesn’t have one similar!

    We stayed in Warwick for an hour, visiting the church and just generally having a look around the town, and then we had some dinner and drove back to the hotel.

    I’m going to end this post here, even though there are another 3 days of photos and stories to be uploaded. As of late, time management hasn’t been my strongest point – hence why I’m writing this at 9.30pm on a Friday night – but self-care is also important, and a girl needs her sleep 😉 I promise I’ll write the rest of this post tomorrow! I also have some more ideas for posts, so if I sort myself out in time, watch out for those in the next few days.

    Xxx

    50 facts about me

    I’ve gained a fair amount of new followers recently (if you’re one, hey! It’s nice to have you here) and since it’s my birthday, I thought it’d be an interesting post that I can compare with next year!

    1. I’m 17 years old today!
    2. That makes me an Aries.
    3. I don’t really pay much attention to horoscopes, although sometimes at the end of the day I’ll have a look at one and see if it fits with what happened during the day – spoiler, it doesn’t normally!!
    4. I’m the eldest child, and have one brother who’s 14.
    5. I’m half-Welsh, but sadly I don’t have an accent at all (at least I don’t think I do)
    6. I can do an okay(ish) Scottish impression but it’s not something I exactly pride myself on!
    7. I own too many things! I wouldn’t describe myself as a hoarder but…do I really need that scrappy postcard my best friend sent me in 2005? :/
    8. I like to think that I’m in control of my fears.
    9. One of my favourite hobbies is reading but I don’t read as much as I’d like to: it’s just so much easier to pick up my iPad or phone and scroll down Instagram but I’d love to change that.
    10. Paddington 1 and 2 are amazing films, as well as the Harry Potter series.
    11. I’m a naturally ambitious person but I think sometimes my ambitions aren’t exactly…feasible 🙂
    12. In relation to fact 11, I’d love to get to Cambridge Uni (which I know I’ve mentioned approximately 482617 times on here), but we’ll see how that pans out.
    13. My guilty pleasure would be stationery! Or chocolate 🙂
    14. I have a Saturday job at a national company – I don’t know if I can say it because of confidentiality or something?! I’d better not risk it, but it’s a well-known clothing company in the UK and I think most towns and cities have one, and I really like working there!
    15. I love to travel and if I could, I’d go on a world tour – particularly to go to Greece and America!
    16. I’m currently trying to persuade my parents to let us go to Greece in the summer holidays…
    17. Although I’ve only read one Shakespeare play (Macbeth) I loved it.
    18. I wouldn’t say I’m naturally sporty but I do enjoy playing sports.
    19. My favourite colour is red at the moment, but it changes a lot.
    20. Linking on from that, I’m very indecisive. It must annoy other people because it annoys me!
    21. Apples are my favourite fruit.
    22. If I could only have pizza or pasta for the rest of my life, it would be pizza. 100%.
    23. I’m not really that into makeup – on a day to day basis I’ll wear powder, brow gel and mascara, and eyeshadow if I’m feeling fancy.
    24. Emma Watson used to be my absolute idol (and she still is but not to the same extent!) I used to wish I was Hermione and I think I believed Emma Watson was Hermione.
    25. I have an intolerance to peanuts (although it’s very mild, I have to admit).
    26. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but my favourite programmes are the Great British Bake off (obvs), Britain’s Got Talent, The Apprentice and anything police-chase related – I just find them so interesting!!
    27. I’m doing my a-levels at school; I take geography, English lit and English language.
    28. Instagram is my favourite and most-used social media.
    29. I need to remember to sign up to be an organ and blood donor.
    30. I don’t believe in a God, but I do like to think fate runs things. It takes the stress off a bit, sometimes 😉
    31. When people ask me if I’d prefer to go to a beach or city on holiday or to live (referring back to no.20!) I’ll immediately start making a pros and cons list. I love both for different reasons!
    32. I’m very clumsy but surprisingly, I’ve never broken a bone.
    33. I have partially dislocated my knee though. When standing still. :/ (interesting fact, Austrian hospitals are way way nicer than English ones!!)
    34. At school when everybody’s talking about the latest Netflix show, I can’t join in because I don’t have Netflix. One more distraction is exactly what I don’t need.
    35. I have 4 piercings, 2 in each lobe. I’m tempted to get a helix piercing too buuut I’m not sure if I can handle the pain 😂
    36. My favourite kind of people are the ones who you can start talk to about a completely random topic and know that they’re enjoying the conversation too. That feeling is great 💖
    37. I’m most likely to fall in love with a person initially for their sense of humour.
    38. Cats or dogs – probably dogs, but again, there are pros and cons!!
    39. I’m allergic to dogs and cats, which is nearly as tragic as The Titanic sinking.
    40. I once saw Lord Alan Sugar’s car! That’s going to be my claim to fame in the future.
    41. I love having copper nail varnish on at the moment.
    42. Most of the money I earn is saved for university, but what I do spend is spent on clothes, jewellery, books and magazines.
    43. Cows freak me out a bit.
    44. In the future I’d like to be in the media, writing or broadcasting – so blogging is good practise, for sure!
    45. My favourite temperature to live in is about 25°c; the hottest place I’ve ever been in is Lanzarote, which reached 41°c.
    46. I can play the flute.
    47. I used to practise ballet, but I stopped when I was about 10. I also did gymnastics for quite a while.
    48. Orange juice is probably my favourite cold drink, hot chocolate is my favourite hot drink
    49. As Ginny Weasley says, I believe anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.
    50. And finally, when I’ve worked up enough nerve, I’d love to try sky diving or bungee jumping!

    So there you go, fifty facts about me – I’m surprised I could think of 50 to be honest! It feels weird to say I’m now 17: it feels so much more adult than 16!

    The book club: March

    It’s finally the Easter holidays and my aim is to have read at least 2 books by the end, so hopefully next month’s post will be full with mini book reviews!! This month I’ve really enjoyed The Power, by Naomi Alderman – it was such a gripping storyline, I’d read it within days!

    If you’re an astute reader of mine (actually, you don’t even have to be that astute because I say it practically every other sentence), my dream uni is Cambridge to do a degree in Linguistics, so I’ve been fuelling my interest in that this month by finally getting round to finishing Linguistics – A Very Short Introduction, by PH Matthews. I’m entering an essay competition and I’m hoping that reading around the subject a lot will help me with that, and in turn with my UCAS personal statement.

    Next week we’re going to Stratford upon Avon so I felt it only right to delve into Hamlet, and I’m also going to start The Picture of Dorian Gray within the next few days which I’m really excited to read!

    Playlist #1

    • Sanctify – Years & Years
    • Feel It Still – Portugal. The Man
    • Reverie – isaac gracie
    • IDGAF – Dua Lipa
    • Alors Alors – Bigflo & Oli
    • Paramedic! – SOB X RBE
    • Toothpaste Kisses – The Maccabees
    • Comptine d’un autre été, l’après-midi – Yann Tiersen
    • Silence – Marshmello ft Khalid
    • These Days – Rudimental, Jess Glynne, Macklemore
    • Decline – RAYE
    • Strangers – Sigrid
    • Cheetah Tongue – The Wombats
    • Let’s Dance to Joy Division – The Wombats

    I have a very eclectic taste in music – some of my favourite tunes are quite dirge-like, yet I also love a lot of bouncy, happy songs, and as well, some are in a language I don’t speak and haven’t spoken for over 3 years 😂 Looking back through the list I feel like a lot of these artists are quite obscure (my 14-year-old-self’s internal wannabe-indie gal would be so proud) but if you haven’t heard of the song/artist on any of them, definitely have a listen! I’m interested – what is your current playlist like? It can’t just be me who has one that goes from eerie atmospheric to indie to dance to pop, surely?!