“i’m fine”

There’s a saying that bad things come in threes and if that’s the case, I’ve been hit twice over recently. I’m full to bursting point with emotions, so much so that I’ve not quite come to terms yet with how I actually feel. All I know is that I’ve been experiencing a sort of emptiness lately.

I’m not going to go into what’s been going in a lot of detail because a) is anyone that bothered really? Everyone has their own issues and me offloading mine onto you probably isn’t going to help much, and b) some of it is personal to me and my family. Several (quite frankly) shiz things have happened, all in close proximity to one another and I’ve been struggling a lot, especially in the last few days, with accepting change and moving on.

I’m going to call the title of this post “I’m fine” because that’s the main reason I’m writing this. As soon as anyone asks me how I am, I’ll automatically answer I’m fine, even when I’m so far from it and I think this is applicable to a lot of people. I’d so much rather cry on my own, tucked up in bed with all the lights off, than admit to someone that I’m not alright (precisely what I’ve been doing lately). We all seem to bottle up our issues which perpetuates them, making them much worse.

Admitting you’re not happy at the moment is the first step to things improving. When I say that, I don’t necessarily mean even admitting it to others; just acknowledging how you’re feeling is progress. I always project this persona of being completely happy with myself, my life and everything and everyone around me, both online and offline, and subconsciously I begin to believe this is the truth. Keeping in tune with your emotions and allowing yourself to feel them is so, so vital. You won’t always be happy and that’s absolutely OK. Take the evening off and relax, do something you enjoy.

Furthermore, invalidating how you’re feeling is as equally damaging as ignoring your feelings. Questioning why you’re so bothered about something is a sign of your passion, and we need to stop misinterpreting that as a sign of weakness.

Follow my Twitter for some truly inspirational content 😉

We have to learn to accept bad days, bad weeks even, but as humans we have a tendency to let a bad day or week dwell on our mind. Don’t let negative emotions characterise and define a period of your life. Life is really, really hard sometimes but your mindset is so important. There are always positives to be taken out of a negative time. I promise. Sometimes, you just have to look a little harder than normal.

Talk to people. Vent your frustrations at your friends or, if you’re not comfortable with that, write it down. Journal. Open an anonymous twitter account and let everything out. I can’t stress enough how cathartic I find writing – there’s something about seeing your thoughts written down on paper that completely calms the mind. Life feels a lot more manageable that way, when you’re not lugging around conflicting thoughts and emotions.

Have a look on Spotify too, and flick through some of their ready-made playlists. Belt out some Adele or do some crazy head-banging to a rock playlist. It helps (trust me!) and when you hear someone voicing exactly how you’re feeling, you feel less alone. It’s comforting, knowing that you’re not the only person to have ever had their heart broken 😉

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak recently but yesterday it really dawned on me that I’m sad…about a boy. Then I realised, if somebody doesn’t like me for who I am then, ya know, it wasn’t going to work out anyway so it’s probably for the best (even if, right now, it feels like the end of the world). Better things (and people!) will come out of it. I can’t emphasise this enough: you are enough on your own – you shouldn’t need anybody else to be comfortable and happy with yourself. Boys/girls will come and go in your life, and whilst it is hard to accept moving on at the time, better people are on their way. And in the meantime, enjoy the single life! Be happy with your own company! Take yourself out for a meal! At the end of the day, you’re the only person who will stay with you throughout your life, so you might as well be happy 😉

I wrote most of this post yesterday. I was in quite a good headspace – things felt like they’d finally clicked into place. Whilst I’m still a lil bit sad, I’m well aware that things are going to improve, and quickly – you just have to believe that the bad phases of life are only temporary (because they are!). Have hope x

bullet journal – feb 19

Given that it’s the third day of February today, I feel like I’ve kind of missed the bandwagon of ‘new year new me’ posts, but this year (for this first time ever) I’m going to be using a bullet journal and I’m still excited about it.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a bullet journal (or bujo), it’s a form of journal that helps you to track the past, the present and the future. The main reasons I decided to start a bullet journal were so that I could have a place to plan effectively but creatively, and to improve myself and my life by tracking my habits, study time etc.

I’m using the Leuchtturm1917 in navy this year – I don’t know why, but recently I’ve fallen in love with navy (just look at that chipped nail varnish!). The book itself is a really beautiful colour, the quality feels great and so far I’m loving having a way of being productive whilst also being creative, so despite the (hefty) price tag, I definitely think it was worth the investment.

On the very first page, I have my name, my contact details and a little illustration of the moon and some stars. I still haven’t filled out the index but to be honest, I don’t think I will either – so far I haven’t needed it, so I’ll probably just leave it. On the following page I wrote ‘twenty nineteen’, using my pastel green Stabilo highlighter and black Muji gel pen. Although it’s really minimal and simplistic, I think it sets the year up nicely – it looks calm and chill, which is the vibe I’m hoping to take with me throughout this year 😉

Carrying on with the minimalistic theme, I simply wrote out all of the days and dates of the year. Again, I used my Muji pen and a Stabilo highlighter, just to add some definition to the days of the week. For my ‘future log’, I wanted something really simple that I could just glance at and know instantly what I’m doing that month, so I basically just have 4 boxes on each page, 1 for each month, and this section goes over 3 pages. I also have a page dedicated to accomplishments I made in 2018 and resolutions for this year, which I like a lot. I’ve found it to be motivating and kind of inspiring: seeing what you’ve achieved previously and what you aim to do this year puts things back into perspective and makes you refocus on your goals.

Being an English Lit student, I had to have somewhere to write down all the books I intend to read. I drew four lines across the page (although you can only see 3 in the photo) and then drew all the books and added a few little plant illustrations. As I read each book I’m planning to colour in the spine of the illustration, as I have done with The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Hopefully by the end of this year, this page will be filled with colours.

I’m always listening to music – it’s such a big part of my life, it’s how I relax, and I love how a certain song can take you back to a certain point in your life. Hence why I have a page dedicated to my favourite songs each month. I was very lucky to see The Wombats in January, whose music I’ve loved for a very long time, so I felt it was only right to honour that by putting my favourite of their songs down.

Ok…now here’s the fun bit of my bujo 😦 my exam tracker page! I’m not a huge fan of the layout of this page if I’m being honest; it looks a bit of a mess so I might try and fix it at some point. However, I felt it was vital to have a page which tracks not just external exams but also mocks, in-class assessments etc, because I do tend to forget dates unless I have them written down (and then, I forget to revise). Also, by having an overview of each month, I can reassure myself that ‘oh, it’s fine I’ve still got three months until A Levels’!

I have a page at the end of my weekly spreads which is dedicated to music again, as well as highlights of the month. I think this brings a nice sense of closure, almost, to the month – it’s a little reflection of what you’ve done, what you’ve been listening to, where you are in life. As of yet I’ve not completely finished this page (I have more than 2 highlights in an entire month, don’t worry) but I’ll be incorporating this structure into future months too.

My February spread looks like this. I wonder if you can tell where I made a mistake? I’ll give you a hint – the tape has something to do with it, I used it as a way of covering up the mistake 😂 gotta work with what you have! If you make a mistake, just try and intertwine it into your design, and pretend it was intentional 😉 the joy of bullet journaling is you can experiment with different layouts, colour schemes etc, and if you don’t like it then you can just change it the next week/month. As well as a general month overview, I also have the days and dates of March written down, a to-do list, a place to write goals and then also an area to write the key dates and events of March in (which so far is empty lol), so that I know what’s coming up soon. This month I went with a purple and silver theme, using Muji pens, Stabilo highlighters, Stabilo fineliners and some metallic brush pens.

And finally, a weekly spread. So far, this is my favourite layout for a week; each box is large enough to fit a hefty to-do list in, and I can fit all of my habits/spends/study time/screen times at the bottom too. Last month I had a separate page to record all of my habits and my budget but I found that quite often I’d forget to look for it, whereas I’m much more likely to see it when it’s on my weekly spread because I try to plan the day ahead the night before, so I can fill it in then.

I have various habits which I’m (still) trying to instil on my life and I find using a tracker is a really good way of seeing how well I’m doing and where I can improve. A lot of my habits link to my new year’s resolutions: for example, I’m trying to turn off all screens by 9.30pm and go running more. I also am trying to save up money for summer and uni and having a place where I can track what I’m spending is helping me a lot with this. It’s making me come to terms with the ridiculous amount of money I spend on food and books, so now I’m much more aware of where I need to cut down 😂

Do you have a bullet journal? If so, how are you finding it? If you’ve written any posts about your bujo, please leave the link below because I’m always looking out for new inspiration.

Cara xx