March 18th 2017. One small, seemingly insignificant day which actually, changed a lot of things.
One year ago yesterday, my friend committed suicide. She lived around the corner from me, and I saw the air ambulance that came for her. At the time, I obviously didn’t know it was for her and I said ‘wow, that’s so cool!’ because it’s not everyday you see a huge helicopter hanging down outside your bedroom window – thank god. Never have I regretted saying something more.
It sounds like such a cliche, but her death really has made me realise how mortal we all are, and how precious every single day is. We need to appreciate life for how beautiful it is, because one action on one day can have such an impact on so many people.
I miss you. The amount of times I’ve seen ‘you’ in places I’m not expecting has been crazy – in Primark, the school toilets, around town. The amount of times I’ve been expecting her to jump out and say this past year has just been a joke is ridiculous too. She was just the sort of person who was always there and always having a laugh. And then, one day, she wasn’t. And it’s so, so hard to get used to.
I was going to write a lot more on this post because I thought in a way it’d be therapeutic, but actually it’s just made me cry more. If you take one thing away though, please let it be this – my friend, a 16 year old seemingly happy girl, killed herself. Please, please be aware of each other, your friends, your family, because under the surface we sometimes have no idea what’s going on.
My beautiful angel, I hope you’re happier up there. We miss you so much. I’ll never forget our times talking in pigeon to each other, playing the piano together, eating breakfast in Austria together everyday…rest in peace 🌹